blog Posts

A Farewell to My Brother

brianTo those that may not yet have heard, I’ve lost my brother, Brian, this past weekend.

I’ve known him for near all of my life and even lived with him practically all through his. I was the older brother by two years, and maybe I treated him too much like a little brother. Even though he graduated college before me, and securing a real salary job (related to his degree even). We’ve practically been inseparable.

Even the name “Fes” I use today, dates back to when we were children. We played “journalist” and wrote newspapers under the monikers “Jimmy Fes and Jonny Fes”. We were known as “The Brothers, Fes” for a bit by my parents. Many years later, I took the name on as my internet identity, even though Brian was more often nicknamed “Fes” by my dad…. at least I think I’m remembering all of that right.

When I had my first real, long-term girlfriend, Heidi, he hated her because she “stole [his] David”. In time We became a trio of trouble, even after  Heidi and I broke up. Brian and I shared a few friends, and we also had our own. I regret not being able to know many of his friends, as trying to contact them has been difficult. With his passing, Heidi has been deeply affected. Even after we’ve moved farther from each other, Brian was still one of her best friends.

group

Brian had a knack for writing stories in notebooks ever since he was a kid. He designed several video game ideas, and once had desires to program them. While I did get started on web programming before him, he took off on learning several different kinds of computer languages. We were kinda like that. I would start something, he’d follow, but only learn faster and do better. Even when I would start playing a certain video game. I may get bored with the game, but he’d blast right through it, and even beat the game while I watched.

We used to record music from video games when we were kids. With the advent of the internet, we would find all sorts of communities dedicated to video game music. This eventually lead to him “tracking” his own music, often inspired by classic video game stylings. He’s made several tunes, and I’ve even used some of his later samples for a webcomic podcast I do.

Brian and I did lots of things together. We’ve even been roommates practically the whole time we’ve moved out from our parents. Though we fought a lot, as brothers do, we still had great times together. be it playing video games, watching movies, going camping, or just hanging out.

Brian wasn’t a very social person, but there were a few things he shared with me that he didn’t share with more than a few other people. However, there were things that he didn’t share, but I at least knew a bit about. He had been suffering from depression for several years. From what I could tell, it was fairly internalized. He had recently started cutting himself off from the rest of his family. Part of which, I’m certain, was to make it easier for both them, and himself, for what was to come.

Though he was loved by our large family, several friends, and his brother… in an act of desperation, choose to end his suffering while I was at work… after some short sorting, it was obvious he had been planning for a long time, and even wanted to make the aftermath easier on everyone.

…. He was found on Saturday morning, March 27th, 2010, by myself….

Upon helping to set up his final service, I’ve had too hard of a time finding pictures of him. If there is anything that everyone can take from this experience, it is this: TAKE MORE PICTURES, before you no longer have the chance to. TAKE. MORE. PICTURES.

He will be missed and loved by all his family and friends… and especially his brother… who thought he could protect him from anything, and always be there for him.  I may never know all the answers, and it will take some time to more easily move forward; but the pain will always be there… and I would never want to forget.

Link to: Pictures (coming soon)


April 2, 2010 | 10 Comments

For Sale: Me

I put in about 20-30 hours a week on my online projects. This includes working on my webcomic, PSI, and the webcomic podcast, The Webcomic Beacon. Aside from those two main offenders, there are several side projects which are incomplete, that I would like to finish, but probably won’t. Plus I work my real job on the weekend (overnights), and sleep during the day. My “free” time is filled with a LOT of things that don’t net very much income… well, none really. I maybe may ~$20 a month on ads. If I want to keep doing what I like, there’s a few things I’m going to need to do:

  1. Earn more on existing projects (via ads or merch).
  2. Increase the audience of my projects (this helps #1).
  3. Cut back on the number of projects I am doing.
  4. Sell myself for assorted services, such as coloring, podcast production, or site creation.

Now I know I’ve mentioned dropping The Webcomic Beacon as a project a couple of times. For now I’ve decided to cut at least one Sunday a month, to give me more time for other things. The podcast alone can take me 5-7 hours alone, for any given episode, for everything involved. People needn’t worry about The Beacon for now. I’ve committed to several shows, of this format, through May 2010.

My comic, PSI, is something that keeps me sane. So I always plan to keep doing that… at least until I can tie off all the loose plot ends, and bring everything full circle, essentially completing what I’m dubbing “Act 2″ of PSI. Other small projects may pop up. I have 3 short comic (less than 10 pages), sorta planned, and a couple other longer comics I’m still generating ideas for… but these will likely need to wait.

In the mean time, to avoid getting a 2nd job, and thus, severely affecting my web projects, I’ve decided to sell myself. I get paid less than $11/hr plus benefits for my night job. I figure I’ll start selling myself at a rate of $10/hr for almost any job I can do from home. I’m likely selling myself short, as I’ve been told, but I want to see how this goes. If this goes really well (and I mean REALLY well), I may need to increase my rates for demand… but that’s a big if.

Jobs I’d be able to do (but not limited to):
Comic coloring; Podcast recording and production; or WordPress webcomic website conversion/creation (using Webcomic+Inkblot).

Commissions could be a possibility too, but that may have to be per piece, as my drawing skills are not swift enough for a timed wage. Coloring is something that can vary depending on how you want it colored (I can try a few samples for you). Podcasting recording and production will likely take a total of 2.5-3 times the length of the actual podcast length (i.e. A 30 minute podcast could take me a hour and a half, from recording to full master… or just 1.5 to 2 times, if just a quick master).

For the WordPress site creation, it entirely depends on how many comics you have, and even if you are converting from a different webcomic WordPress publishing tool.  I can help design and create the website for you, on my computer. We can set up a WordPress wherever you have space with access to a database, and I can create the theme, and set all of the comic images in places to work as they should, in order, etc. This would likely take a lot of time to do, but I know my way well enough around WordPress and Webcomic+Inkblot, to set someone up with something they can use.

You can see my website work here: PSI, Ardra, Hidden Disguises, Between Failures.

February 14, 2010 | 2 Comments